Parenthetic Virus: Symptoms Include Chaos and a Breakdown of Law and Order, An Anology

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A man visits his doctor after feeling sluggish and depressed.  He can’t shake a cold he’s been suffering with for weeks.  Now he has a fever and it keeps going up.  

Doctor: I’m sorry to have to tell you this but you have Parenthetic Virus.

Patient: What is Parenthetic Virus?

Doctor: It’s a fatal disease where the fat cells in your body have been convinced that your immune system is unjust and your white blood cells are racist Nazis.

Patient: What? How is that possible?

Doctor: It’s common in bodies that have enjoyed lengthy periods of good health and prosperity. Eventually decadence sets in and things get a little turned around.

Patient: How can we treat it?

Doctor: Unfortunately recovery is unlikely. After years of indulgence and taking things for granted, your fat cells greatly outnumber your white blood cells. Here, look under this microscope. Those are your white blood cells over there. Their job is to defend you from disease and foreign objects. Look! They are moving in on a germ that threatens your body. Now see those angry, entitled globs of goo? Those are your fat cells.

Patient: What are they doing?

Doctor: They are surrounding your white blood cells and protecting the germ. Here, listen.

Patient: Oh my God! I didn’t know fat cells could talk. They are calling the white blood cells racists, fascists, and Nazis.  Now the fat cells are attacking them!

Doctor: Yes, they are quite aggressive. See, now your white blood cells are retreating and the germ has reproduced. It won’t be long until that germ spreads. Now you see how recovery is unlikely.

Patient: How do I get more white blood cells?

Doctor: Well, your white blood cells are produced inside your bone marrow, but if you look here, you’ll see that fat cells have taken control of your bone marrow as well. And with fat cells in control, they are unlikely to produce effective white blood cells.

Patient: I just can’t believe this. What can I do? There has to be something.

Doctor: There is one thing you can do but it is not easy and will cause much discomfort.

Patient: What? Anything.

Doctor: You have to cut the fat.

Henry Calgues

Henry Calgues

Henry Calgues is the new pseudonym for "Anonymous Cop."
Henry Calgues

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